Ch. 5 The Quest
Theme Song: Question – The Moody Blues
“Freethinkers are those who are willing to use their minds without prejudice and without fearing to understand things that will clash with their own customs, privileges, or beliefs. This state of mind is not common, but it is essential for right thinking; where it is absent, discussion is apt to become less than useless.” ~ Leo Tolstoy, On Life and Essays on Religion
So, after fourteen beautiful years together, God abandoned me and then spent the next three years ignoring my pleas for reconciliation. God had given me the boot, kicked me out of the nest with only a note card as a parachute. In the absence of living my relationship with God, I turned to my inherited Roman Catholic religion for support. When I discovered that I could not pledge the seemingly essential Nicene Creed, I went out on a quest to find out the truth about God. It is important to know that this was not some intellectual pursuit. I was not just curious. I was bare, exposed, emotionally raw with my foundation ripped out from under me and no replacement in sight. I was wrestling with Camus' one truly serious philosophical problem and not always winning. As I lived pinned against that sweating wall, I needed to know the truth. My quest was urgent. I plunged into truth seeking rapidly sniffing out what I could and could not believe and moving on. I tell you this because this type of searching cannot do full justice to any religious tradition, philosophical thought, or other inquiry. I apologize to you at the onset that the following is merely a synopsis of that mad dash aimed at discovering the truth about God. I did not take the time to become intimate with any of these religious belief systems (or other ideas though ideological concepts invite less intimacy) so I did not learn the back alleys and nooks and crannies where the greatest beauty is tenderly held.
By the way, this chapter, like the original quest, may feel very long, sometimes tedious, sometimes challenging, sometimes unsettling. It is not for everyone but it was for me at that time. I went out desperately hoping to find solid ground, an improved vision of God on which I could build a stronger-than-ever foundation. I hope that you are not feeling that desperate and would certainly understand if you decide to skip ahead to the following chapter.
